A single girlfriend of mine (heretofore now to be know as B) called me last week with an urgent request. “I need to see you tonight…I’ve got BIG problems. I’m coming over after work. K? <click>” Mind you, B’s big problems usually revolve around hangovers, what shoes to wear with her skinny jeans, and men. So I already knew that the problem was man related when she said she was coming over. I have to go to her place when it’s a medical hangover issue as well as wardrobe issue.
I busted out a bottle of our favorite Syrah and waited for her arrival. B exploded through the door ranting and squawking about men and their various shortcomings. Glass in hand I got to the bottom of the dilemma: “My new boyfriend asked me how many guys I’ve slept with…while we were lying next to each other in bed.” Guys truly are simple. Because if they thought ahead one more step, they would realize that they don’t really want to know how many men you’ve slept with before them. (It’s a given that they definitely don’t want to hear that you’ve been with someone ‘bigger’ than them.)
The only thing either one of you needs to know about the other’ prior sex life is if they have any STD’s. That’s it. Period. End of discussion. B was contemplating giving him a range of numbers, much lower than her actual record. Which would surely send him shivering and cowering in a corner. “Don’t give him any at all.” was my response. “He doesn’t expect that you’re a virgin (that’s for another day) and you don’t expect that he is either” (let’s hope not…at this point in our lives we’re not into teaching unless he’s 15 years younger than we are and looks something like Gabriel Aubrey.) At this point, Craig left the room never to be seen again. No doubt he remembers our discussion on this topic ending with me reminding him that the entire time that he was married (those prime youthful years), I was single…doing what single people do.
I said that her guy would most likely forget about the whole pillow talk incident (btw…that’s the WORST place to be talking about stuff like that – never talk about anyone else when you’re in bed). But B couldn’t let it go…this is pretty common with her (we call her the pitt bull). So I reassured her that she was a good person and to look at how Warren Beatty turned out. That major man slut has been happily married to Annette Benning for 18 years! Then I told her to invite her guy over for dinner, make him this char siu pork pizza, aka Chinese barbeque pork pizza (just a little pork innuendo) and have the discussion at the dinner table. Let him know that discussing each others sexual pasts serves no purpose in your relationship. What matters is that you are both clean (monogamy discussions are a bit premature at this stage in their relationship) and are totally attracted to one another. Tell him that you plan on making history and setting records together.
She did it! They had the talk. They started with a bottle of wine, had dinner (and another bottle of wine) and conversation. They both discussed that they didn’t want to talk about past relationships and he confessed that he only really brought it up because he wanted to learn more about her. She told him that he could learn more about her past by asking her who her best friend was in grade school. They both had a good laugh…and another bottle of wine. The next day I got a call from B regarding a medical hangover emergency.
A sexual history is just that – history. It means that you slept, or didn’t sleep, with certain people who are no longer any part of your life other than the history part. You should never forget history, as it does have a habit of repeating itself if you haven’t learned from it, but don’t live in your past history. Make new history.
- 1/2 Cup Low Salt Soy Sauce (divided)
- 5 Tablespoons Honey
- 4 Tablespoons Sugar
- 4 Tablespoons Cooking Sherry
- 1 Teaspoon Sriracha Sauce
- 1 Teaspoon Salt
- 2 Teaspoons Five Spice Powder
- 1 3″ Piece Fresh Ginger (peeled and sliced into 1/8″ discs and lightly crushed)
- 1 Teaspoon Cornstarch
- 2 Tablespoons Water
- 2 Pounds Pork Loin (cut into 1″ cubes)
- 1 Recipe No Knead Bread Dough (minus the cheese and apricots) or other pizza dough to make 2 10″ – 12″ rounds
- 1/2 Cup Monterrey Jack Cheese (diced)
- Sliced Red Onion
- Chopped Cilantro
In a small saucepan, over medium high heat, combine 1/4 cup soy sauce, 2 tablespoons honey, 2 tablespoons sugar, 2 tablespoons cooking sherry, salt, 1 teaspoon five spice powder, and half of sliced ginger. Continue stirring until all of the sugar is dissolved.
Remove from heat and cool.
Place pork cubes into resealable plastic bag. Pour cooled marinade over pork. Make sure all of the cubed pork is covered in marinade. Remove as much air as you can from the bag and seal the bag. Refrigerate overnight and turn every few hours to completely cover the pork.
For the Crust
Make the no knead bread recipe as in the link above. (If using other dough…follow directions that came with the dough.)
Instead of making loaves, grab a handful of dough. On a floured surface roll out dough into a 10″ – 12″ disc. This may require a cobmbination of rolling and stretching with your hands. Once you’ve achieved your desired thickness, let dough rest for 40 – 60 minutes on a cornmeal dusted surface.
Before baking, cut a large “X” in the middle of the dough round. Do not cut all the way through the dough.
Bake for 15 – 20 minutes. (As in the linked recipe, this can be baked on a pizza stone or pre-heated cast iron skillet.)
Remove from oven and set aside.
For the Sauce
In a small saucepan, over medium high heat, combine 1/4 cup soy sauce, 3 tablespoons honey, 2 tablespoons sugar, 2 tablespoons cooking sherry, Sriracha sauce, 1 teaspoon five spice powder, and remaining sliced ginger. Continue stirring until all of the sugar is dissolved.
In a small dish, mix cornstarch with water until dissolved and has no lumps. Add to soy sauce mixture and stir until sauce begins to thicken.
Taste the sauce and adjust for saltiness and sweetness.
Remove from heat and cool.
For Char Siu Pork
Preheat oven to 350 degrees Farenheit.
Remove pork from refrigerator.
Pour pork and marinade onto a rimmed baking sheet and spread out so everything is in one layer.
Bake for 20 minutes. Turn pieces over and bake for another 20 minutes.
Remove from oven and let cool.
Break up any pieces that may look too big to top a pizza.
Preheat oven to 425 degrees Farenheit.
Remove ginger pieces from sauce.
Pour or brush sauce over top of cooked dough.
Top with char siu pork, cheese and onions.
Bake on pizza stone or directly on oven racks for 10 minutes (or until cheese is melted).
Top with cilantro.
Cut and serve.