It’s Bacon Bitch Pick Up The Phone

by Pamela

Spicy Clams

Spicy Clams with Bacon and Noodles

I was having lunch with a girlfriend of mine the other day when the topic of discussion turned to “what the hell is up with guys and their GD text messaging?”  To give you a bit of the backstory…my girlfriend is in her mid 30’s and she was talking about the guys that she’s dating that are in their mid 30’s to early 40’s that are constantly with the text messages and no phone calls.

She and I both are fully immersed in the digital world – 90% of our work is done on-line (such is the nature of the internet), but when working with other people, we pick up the phone or set up a face to face meeting from time to time.  Why do guys, especially those that fall into the 30 + age range insist on texting their questions or the odd witicism?   There is no excuse for texting vs calling since men of that age group don’t have the excuse of having “grown up” with the technology.  No, the 20 somethings can use that excuse…because it’s reality.  The 30 somethings will lie and hide behind their Gen X status, but the 40 somethings grew up with rotary dial corded telephones.  Hell, they didn’t even see remote control televisions in their homes until they were almost graduated from high school.   The only reason these guys are texting is because it makes them feel young and ‘cool.’   Got a news flash for ya….you may think you look ‘cool’ to those standing near you while you’re texting us, but we think you’re a douche.  And by the way…we know this to be fact because when we send you a SMS (because we actually need an answer to a quick question) we then have to call you to get the answer because you never reply.

Let me break it down for you.  The occasional text message is fine, we like the occasional romantic text message or “just thinking of you,”  “I’ll be late for dinner tonight” or “I’ve made dinner reservations for us tonight.”  But when you’re sending us an SMS that requires 3 screens to get the entire message sent…that’s just BS.  If it takes 3 screens to contain your message you have completely ignored what an SMS is – Short. Message. Service.  Just pick up the frigging phone!

In our minds you just don’t care that much about us if the majority of your of communication with us is via text messaging (to draw you a picture, your communication with us pie chart should not look like this) and we’re not talking about sexting…that’s a topic for another day.  If our name was bacon, you’d be calling out our name and talking to us on your cellphone while standing in the midst of your buddies just to show them how much you love your dear bacon and would boast that your little bacon loves you so much she’s sending you texts…that text message you’d answer.

Sure that bacon bit (ha, get it?…never mind) was kind of a stretch, but you know it’s true.  Plus, this recipe is a bit unusual in that you’ve got bacon with clams.  The salty bacon really helps give the clams a bit of different kick.  Then throw in the szechuan pepper and you’ve got a kicky little dinner for 2…or for 1 and leftovers for you tomorrow.

Relationship Advice

The art of the conversation has really fallen by the wayside in the past few years.  Yes, we have all these wonderful technologies that should be taken advantage of, to make our lives easier, but not to the detriment of real communication.  Real communication equals face to face (or at a minimum verbal) communication.  Stop taking shortcuts and start doing some things long form.  Once you start carrying on real communication you will find that things in your relationship will change – for the better.   And while you’re at it…you should drop your Aunt Kathy a nice hand written letter.  Trust me, she’ll appreciate it.

Serves 2


  • 1 1/2 Pounds Manilla Clams (could also use mussels)
  • 4 Slices Bacon (chopped)
  • 3 Cloves Garlic (finely chopped)
  • 1 Cup White Wine (Chardonnay)
  • 3/4 Cup Clam Juice
  • 1 Tablespoon Fish Sauce
  • 2 Tablespoons Lemon Juice
  • 2 Tablespoons Parsley (chopped)
  • 1/8 Teaspoon Freshly Ground Pepper
  • 1/8 Teaspoon Freshly Ground Szechuan Pepper
  • Handful of Dry Noodles (soba, pasta, rice vermicelli)


Cook dry noodles according to package instructions, rinse and set aside.

In a large saucepan, cook bacon over medium high heat.  Cook until bacon is crisp.  Remove bacon to a paper towel lined plate and drain off all but 1 tablespoon bacon fat.  (Save that bacon fat for later use.)

Add garlic to bacon fat.  Cook until garlic begins to brown.

Add wine, clam juice, fish sauce, lemon juice, black pepper and clams to saucepan.  Cover the pan and let steam for 2 minutes.  Lift lid and check to see that clams are opening.  If they are open wide, they are done and you can remove the pan from the heat.  If they are not open, cover and let cook for an additional 30 seconds.  Continue doing this until the clams are open.  You may have a few of the clams that don’t open.  These clams are dead and should be thrown out.  DO NOT open their shells and eat them.  Throw them away!

Divide the cooked noodles between 2 bowls.  Divide the clams between the 2 dishes.  Pour the juice into each of the bowls and top with parsley, bacon and szechuan pepper.

You can also serve this with some crusty bread to soak up the juices.

Welcome to My Man's Belly! Leave me a comment and let me know what you think about the site or if there's a recipe you'd like to see here. Have a great day.


Belinda @zomppa April 15, 2010 at 5:21 am

Bacon and clams…fascinating!

Shamrocks and Shenanigans April 10, 2010 at 11:38 am

My man is text stupid…seriously. So my problem is the opposite. When I just need a quick message, he wants to talk. I feel lucky to have taught him to text as much as he has. lol
Love the recipe!
Thanks for love on my site!

Lubna April 10, 2010 at 12:02 am

This rocks! From the commentary to the recipe. Thank you!!

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