The Tradition of Traditions

by Pamela


The Tradition of Traditions

Today’s post is going to seem a bit strange…there’s no cooking involved, and in fact there is no recipe involved either.  Come to think of it, the Relationship Advice part of my post is going to be intertwined within the post itself.  Change is good – right?

You see, while making dinner last night (a beautiful piece of marinated and grilled fish), we ran out of propane for the grill.  Of course, this didn’t happen while the grill was warming up, it happened when the fish was pretty much half cooked.  The fish was then finished in a cast iron pan on the stove top and tasted delicious, but let’s just say it wasn’t very photogenic.

Now, I say ‘we’ ran out of propane but I really mean that Craig ran out of propane and didn’t have the usual backup tank (it was empty as well).  Around here, we each have responsibilities and (yes, I’m going to throw Craig right under the bus here) Craig didn’t keep up with his.  Oh I hear you screaming that I should take some responsibility here and that I am fully capable of getting propane…but you would be wrong, this is one of the roles he plays in our house – official propane getter/stocker.

Here’s where I roll in the….

Relationship Advice

I am all for equality of the sexes and gender roles schmender holes.  I think the glass ceiling is bullshit, I think men can stay home and raise children as well as women can, I think everyone that does the same job should be paid equally and I think that regardless of the sex, if you’re being a asshole…you should be called an asshole (not hormonal) and women can enjoy casual sex as much as men do.

All that feminism talk being said, my marriage is so traditional it’s almost retro.  (Retro is cool now – right?)  No, I don’t walk around my house flawlessly made up and coiffed to the nines.  And I’m certainly not performing my ‘wifely duties’ in a bullet bra, girdle and dress.  Hell, most days I’m lucky to get out of my pajamas (working on the internet has its pluses and minuses).  But Craig and I have carved out pretty traditional roles within our marriage…because it works for us.

When we were first married I was working for a Fortune 50 company, supposedly in their management training program (that’s what my former boss told me, probably to convince me that transferring locations every 18 months was completely logical), and going to grad school at night.  I eventually left that company and joined one of the other 49 Fortune 50.  I felt like we were living the dream and that we were both getting what we wanted out of life.  But this career leap kept me on the road 90% of the time.  I enjoyed the travel and getting away, but it wasn’t exactly an ideal situation for the marriage.

I left the corporate world and did marketing and internet consulting.  I was definitely home more and this is where tradition started creeping in.  Now that I was grounded (not living out of a plane and suitcase) I found myself cooking dinner every night and running household errands.  I felt like I had set the woman’s movement back 50 years.  But you know what?  I didn’t really care and I realized that I didn’t set the movement back.  Feminism is doing what you want to do and being happy with your choices.

I do the cooking, run errands, and occasionally clean (that is one thing that I despise doing and I don’t do it well).  But Craig and I do blur some of the lines.  He does the laundry.  This is mostly due to his anal retentiveness, although I get angry when he waits to get a “full load” of dark clothes before he washes my favorite jeans or turns our unmentionables some weird color because he missed the bright blue shirt that somehow got in the load.  I kill the bugs and do the gardening.  He organizes the shelves and loads the dishwasher.

Just because it’s tradition or other people say how things should be doesn’t mean that’s the only way things can be done.  It’s your relationship, your lines can be straight or crooked, crisp or blurred.  Either way it’s yours – own it!


jen cheung July 24, 2010 at 4:51 pm

that picture scared me there for a bit. interesting picture you got there Pam!

Btw, I added you on my blogroll friends list. feel free to do the same too 🙂 thanks.

PSS: have a fabulous weekend lady 🙂


Lentil Breakdown July 22, 2010 at 6:15 pm

That’s an effin’ gorgeous shot and some good advice too. I say squash anyone who doesn’t want you to blossom!

Lynne @ CookandBeMerry July 22, 2010 at 4:29 pm

I agree with you completely! And I love your squash blossom photo.

sippitysup July 22, 2010 at 11:24 am

I leave this one to the ladies… GREG

Pamela July 22, 2010 at 11:47 am

Well, there is still the division of labor 😉

Amy July 22, 2010 at 9:30 am

I agree with you about not setting back “Feminism” — whatever that term means today. To me, “Feminism” is the fact that women have choices now. Choices our foremothers didn’t really have. If we choose to take on a traditional female role in the house, or not, both should be supported. Because the thing that really resonated with me about The Feminine Mystique, is that the reason the June Cleavers of the 50s and 60s felt so trapped in the home is because they were. They had no other choices, really. But if you choose that role, and know that you can leave and do something else if you want, that alone takes away the whole “trap” mentality. So doing what works for you and what you WANT, was the whole goal of the women’s movement in my opinion. So you go, girl!!

Pamela's Mom July 22, 2010 at 11:33 am

GO GIRLS: Your are right Amy you are free to do what you want. There are still some who want
to hold us down but its a lot better that is was in the 60’s. When you see it happen remind them of your freedom to choose and don’t forget to tell your children they can climb the highest mountain if they want to and keep trying…..

Pamela July 22, 2010 at 11:46 am

Hi Mom – I’m glad you liked this post. You did tell me I could do whatever I wanted to do…

Pamela July 22, 2010 at 11:52 am

Amy – I couldn’t agree with you more.

pegasuslegend July 22, 2010 at 2:13 am

OMG I feel like I wrote part of this some of it is so exactly what I would say. We unfortunately run out of propane more than not, he works at a place that has the darn stuff and never gets it! As far as relationships I agree totally. I also hate cleaning the house, although its because I work 75 hours a week in retail and too tired more than anything. We both do the same thing, so he does the outside I do the inside, I hate outside work in Florida use to love it in NY no poisionous stuff here the snakes gators and bugs are way more than I like! have seen them all this year close up and personal…enjoyed this article… I commend you for one marriage in this day and age thats awesome congrats to your awesome relationship!

Pamela July 22, 2010 at 12:01 pm

I told Craig what you wrote about your husband working at a place that has the propane and he chuckled. Of course, we still don’t have any propane here (that I need for dinner tonight) but….cest la vie.

Leave a Comment