Martini classicists will insist that the only true martini is made with gin, dry vermouth and topped with an olive. Author E.B. White called it the elixir of solitude. Of course, this statement comes from the man who wrote about talking mice, talking pigs and web writing spiders (no, not Spider Man). Good ol’ E.B. probably started hearing the animals talk after one too many of these little gin dandy’s.
I’ve been posting a few of the classic cocktails lately, but when it comes to the martini recipe, I say throw caution to the wind people! Have some fun with your cocktails and let’s do something daring here – yes, I’m suggesting a vodka martini recipe (one of those easy vodka drinks). But I’m not saying to just pour some vodka into a glass, wave a bottle of dry vermouth over the top and change things up by throwing in a lemon twist for garnish. I’m talking about going whole hog (sorry Charlotte – I don’t hear your little pig friend speaking in my world, I fantasize about how good your friend’s bacon will taste though) with the vodka martini recipe. I’m talking about a KEY LIME MARTINI! <gasp> Which still falls under the category of easy vodka drinks to make.
Enough with the drama-llama. The vodka martini in its many derivations has been the darling of the cocktail circuit for some time now. Vodka makes a nice clean slate of buzz inducing goodness to layer on the sweet or sour flavors of almost any kind of spirit you can imagine (and I think I’ve tried them all…for better or worse). As for the key lime martini, there seems to be almost as many versions of the drink as there are watering holes.
The key lime martini recipe that I use is one that we discovered on a trip to Maui several years ago. We decided to stop into a Tommy Bahama restaurant (yes, that same Tommy Bahama – the one whose shirts are the ‘Affliction’ for the over 40 set) and have a couple of drinks. I ordered up their key lime martini and fell head over heels in love with it. Using my best flirting skills, I strolled over to the bartender and got his recipe for this magical concoction and have been making it ever since.
This is the drink that we roll out for our (sorta, kinda) annual parties each summer. I call them the sort, kinda annual parties because they only happen sorta, kinda annually. Like they only happen when I get my shit together and am able to plan and throw the shindig. Each party gets a signature drink – something that we make up by the pitcher and set out for guests to help themselves. The first year we put the key lime martini out, we went through 80 glasses of them. BTW there were only 30 people there of which 1/3 were children (who did not have any of the martinis). And ever since this first party, the key lime martini is the headliner (due to popular request). This year we also put out pitchers of Moscow Mule, but the runaway hit was the key lime martini. So we did two easy vodka drinks – which when throwing a party, easy is key.
Everyone seemed to enjoy my educational piece a couple of weeks ago ‘Sex Toy or Dog Toy‘ so I thought I would do a little more edjumacation in this post too. Today’s topic: Merkins, and no I’m not talking about those chili peppers – that would be merken. No kids, today’s topic covers (pun intended) the new hot trend in Hollywood for both actors and actresses.
Still don’t know what I’m talking about? Here’s another clue: a throw rug to cover the hardwood floors. Yeah, I know that didn’t help much. But if you saw Kate Winslet in The Reader, you saw one. In fact, Kate was so enamored, or maybe repulsed, by her merkin that she talked about it non-stop during her post Oscar tour. So what is this thing I speak of? It’s a toupee for your private parts, still too vague? It’s a pubic wig.
It seems that all of this gung ho Brazilian waxing is hitting Hollywood right in its private parts. Bald has not always been in fashion in the nether regions. When the script, in a period piece (giggle giggle) calls for a full frontal shot of one of today’s actresses, like Sienna Miller in Hippie Hippie Shake, you can’t very well show the hardboards or landing strip of 2010…no, this calls for reality people and in that time it was full on bush. And it’s not just for ladies either, studly Jake Gyllenhaal recently revealed to Jimmy Kimmel that he donned the pubic rug for his new movie with Anne Hathaway. Who knew that Jake-y boy is the hairless wonder? If you can’t wait to see pubic Tribbles on the big screen, they also have a role in the new HBO series Boardwalk Empire.
If you’re considering adding a merkin to the dress up closet, you should be aware that like those other head wigs, quality varies. The best are made with human head hair (no, not pubic hair) with each hair being individually knotted to a piece of lace. Then the hairs are treated so that they are curly – like the real deal. These hairy little throw rugs are then attached with spirit gum or a specially formulated merkin glue. Do not us just any ol’ glue to attach your little buddy. This is a very delicate area and you don’t want to get any chemical burns there or have to visit the emergency room to have your merkin removed.
Key Lime Martini
Makes 1 martini
- 1 1/2 Ounces Stoli Vanilla Vodka
- 2/3 Ounce KeKe Beach Key Lime Liqueur
- 2/3 Ounce Rose’s Lime Juice (plus more for rimming glass)
- Finely Ground Graham Crackers
- Lime Wheels
Pour some of the Rose’s lime juice into a low wide dish.
Pour graham crackers into another low wide dish.
Fill a cocktail shaker with ice.
Pour vodka, keke beach, and the measured rose’s into the shaker.
Cover shaker and shake until contents are well chilled.
Turn martini glass upside down and dip rim into lime juice, then into graham crackers.
Pour contents of shaker into glass.
Add a lime wheel to the edge of glass and serve.