So what to call this yummy creamy libation? I mean, what do you call a shake that’s made with coconut milk, almond milk, cherries (and last but not least) chocolate? Chocolate covered cherry shake? Cherries and Chocolate Milkshake? It’s rich and creamy with those magical flavors that make your eyes roll to the back of your head. Could I squeeze orgasm somewhere in the name?
This is my last Friday cleanse post, so I thought I should make it a good one. Sure, when you’re on a cleanse you can’t eat pounds of chocolate cake or drink copious amounts dairy products, but that’s where the creativity comes in.
This chocolate cherry milkshake uses coconut milk for the rich and creamy flavor and texture (kind of like the chocolate covered cherry ice cream I make). The cherries give it a sweet/tart tang and the addition of chocolate brings the wow factor up to a 10. The ho hum name of chocolate cherry milkshake does not do this beverage justice. This could be the healthiest most decadent tasting thing you’ve ever eaten. But if you want to take it to another level of indulgence, you could go half and half with the coconut milk and almond milk – pure deliciousness.
I just met your girlfriend and she’s the incarnation of the sucubus’ even sluttier step sister. I can’t really blame her, because she’s young and horny, did I mention that she’s really young? But I also can’t help myself from thinking that she must be able to suck the chrome off of a trailer hitch and that’s why you’re with her. When one of my female friends introduces me to her boyfriend, that’s a colossal douchebag, I can sort of forgive her because douchebags are born and women tend to look beyond lots of things when choosing a mate. But when I meet a close male friend’s girlfriend, I can’t help but judge him.
I know that you guys have to put yourselves out there, a lot, to get a date. Contrary to what most people think, even the most handsome of men don’t strike gold with every attempt. I also understand that a woman’s brain is wired for relationships (among other things) differently than a guy’s brain. We tend to analyze, make lists and think things through. (This goes for our choice in men too.) But when a guy introduces his friends to his ‘girlfriend,’ it seems to me that there should be some serious thought put into this major unveiling.
I realize that you look at her chrome removing ability to be a talent, and I’m happy for you that your chrome is bright and sparkly, but if that’s the main reason why you are with her, don’t bring her out in public. When you bring her into the group, and are sitting around drinking and having a good time, we see you squirming. We also see her, not very slyly, dry humping you while she sits on your lap. Really, do we have to witness that?
Being a woman, who was once a young(er) woman, I can recognize a succubus from a mile away. So I judge, because I can. I judge guys whose ‘girlfriends’ are shamelessly flirting with the bartender and the guys’ friends. Yep, I caught that phone number being passed as she went to the ladies room to freshen up. Women might be catty bitches, but when it comes to defending our male friends we’re like mama lions protecting our cubs.
We may not tell you our opinion of your girlfriend, unless we’re asked, because that would be rude. Just because we go to the bathroom with her, doesn’t mean we like her (we’ll go to the bathroom with an orangutan, it’s just how we are). If you want to know whether we like your girlfriend or not, we’ll make a shopping date with her and not invite you.
Chocolate Cherry Milkshake Recipe
Make 2 shakes or 1 large
- 1 Cup Pitted Bing Cherries (I used fresh, but frozen would work)
- 1/4 Cup Coconut Milk (do not use Coco Lopez, it’s not the same thing)
- 3/4 Cup Unsweetened Almond Milk
- 1 Tablespoon Flax Seeds
- 1 1/2 Tablespoons Cocoa Powder (the unsweetened stuff)
- 1/2 Cup Ice
Put all ingredient into the blender and pureé to the desired consistency.
Pour into two glasses and serve.
*For a richer flavor, you can use 1/2 cup coconut milk and 1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk.