I keep getting these e-mails from a Mr. Max Gentleman. You would think with a beautiful name like that, he would have a message of peace and kindness. I guess I’m just easily wooed by the term gentlemen. In this case, gentlemen is a term that is as loosely thrown around as when my 8th grade teacher (a nun) called the boys in my class gentlemen as she was trying to keep her shit about her while yelling at them for mooning the passing cars while we were barreling down the freeway on a field trip. As you may have guessed, I was taken aback by Mr. Gentleman’s message of good cheer.
It seems Mr. Gentleman has a concern that my penis might not be large enough to satisfy my lover. Really? Have you read my blog? Am I really that unfeminine that you believe I’m a guy? Intrigued by his penis talk (how could I not be) I continued reading his e-mail and then I saw that his penis enlargement product has been featured on the holy grail of networks…Fox News and ESP. The latter of these 2 networks I can only assume is some popular cult channel that’s all the rage with the early 20 something set, as I (being the old fart that I am) have never heard of it. Then again, sometimes I’m completely out of touch with reality due to my martini addiction.
See, there is more to my life than cooking…and drinking, not much, but something. My friends tell me I need to get a hobby. What do you think?
But all of this talk of penis enlargement pills was quite coincidental, given that the day I received that e-mail I had shucked about 30 ears of corn. Don’t ask…it all has to do with me trying to find a new hobby (for the record, it will not be corn shucking). But all of that yanking and hair pulling (sounds quite sexual no?) got me to thinking about making some really fresh sweet corn soup. I realize, to some, this might be quite a stretch…but if you could map my brain you’d probably be really scared (cuz it was all very natural to me). You should feel sorry for my husband.
Back to this sweet corn soup. Yes, I’ve made corn soup before. But for some reason I called it corn chowder, and both times I made it with crab. Oh yeah, now I remember. The first time it was a corn chowder from scratch, and I made it in the middle of winter. A pretty hardy creamy corn soup that totally worked with the cold blustery weather. The next time I made the creamy corn soup (sorry – chowder) was in the summer, and someone had asked me if I had an easier way to make it. I did, by using a pre-made corn soup that I really like, and then adding some homemade touches – like crab.
This time, I wanted to make a creamy sweet corn soup (from scratch) that was super easy (no, you do not need to shuck 30 ears of corn – I told you that was for a hobby project) and tasted like I had spent hours on it. Making easy things that taste (fancy word alert – amortizing college degrees again) laborious make your friends and family swoon at your feet. Accept the accolades and marvel in your grandeur. It happens so infrequently you need to take advantage of such moments.
I set out on a quest, of the interwebs and all, and found lots of recipes for sweet corn soup, but none were quite what I was looking for. I melded several together to come up with this creamy corn soup, but then added my own (call it selfish) touches, like hatch chiles and cilantro, to make a Southwestern style sweet corn soup.
I know, people like to drizzle flavored olive oils and make pretty green circles on top of their sweet corn soup. Really, a pretty contrast to the yellow soup, but I’ve been eating the hatch chiles like they’re going extinct, so I thought a little southwestern twist with cilantro and a hatch chile cream would be a nice change. I was right…in this house anyway.
So after all of this talk of penis size, I suppose it makes sense to talk about that today – right? So…does penis size matter?
On a personal level (mom and relatives scroll to the recipe part of the post) it’s all about how you use it…not the size. Kind of like the pen…if you don’t know how to use it, what’s the point?
So as not to appear biased (even though this is my site) I went to AskMen.com (I think of them as a bit of an expert in the field) for their opinion on the matter.
- The average erect size of the adult penis between 5.5 inches and 6.2 inches in length and 4.7 inches and 5.1 inches in girth. (from 40 independent studies taken since 1942 and over 11,000 respondents – so those stats look pretty good to me)
- 85% of women were satisfied with their partner’s penile size, but only 55% of men were satisfied. (This from results of over 50,000 men and women surveyed. Clearly, the men have “bigger issues” over the organ than their female partners do. I suppose the same could be said about how women view their bodies vs. how men view them.)
- Unless you are the proud owner of a significantly smaller (under 4.0 inches erect) or significantly larger (over 7.5 inches), your partner’s ability to identify your exact size and judge you on it are pretty slim (This is scientific fact folks).
- Women are in agreement on a few things regarding size: When given the choice between larger-than-average size with below-average skills and average size with above-average skills, there is no contest, skill beats size every time.
- If you happened to be packing like Lexington Steele, anything over average size is going to waste (a woman’s vajajay that hasn’t had a child is only 3″ deep) — there wouldn’t be anywhere for those inches to go. (So that whole…more than a mouthful is a waste saying goes both ways)
- So guys, quit worrying about size and just get out there and gain some confidence – we don’t have a problem with your member size. And women, stop pretending like you care about size and start enjoying what your guy has. It is a two way street after all.
Recipe: Sweet Corn Soup with Hatch Chile Cream
- 6 Ears of Corn (kernals cut from cobs)
- 4 Ears of Corn Kernals
- 7 Cups of Water + 1 Cup of Water
- 2 Tablespoons Olive Oil
- 1 Tablespoon Butter
- 1/4 Cup Chopped Shallots
- 1/2 Pound Small Potatoes (cut into equal size pieces)
- 1 Cup Chicken Stock
- 1 Handful of Cilantro
- Kosher Salt
- White Pepper
- 1 Tablespoon (generous) Canned Hatch Chiles
- 1/4 Cup Plain Yogurt
- Bring water to a boil in a medium pot. While the water is heating use a knife to cut the kernels from the cobs of corn, reserving 4 cobs of kernels in a bowl (the rest can go into another container to be used later).
- Take all of the cobs and place them in the water. Let them simmer while prepping the rest of the ingredients, for 15-30 minutes. Remove the cobs from the broth when you’re ready to use it. (Discard the cobs)
- While you are cooking the corn cobs, heat the olive oil and butter in a large saute pan over medium high heat.
- Add the potatoes, stir until they are well-coated, add a big pinch of salt, and saute until the potatoes are cooked through, about 5-7 minutes. When the potatoes are almost cooked through, add the shallots and saute for an additional 2 minutes.
- To the pot that formerly held the corn cobs, add the chicken stock, potato and shallot mixture, cilantro, the corn kernels, salt and white pepper, to the corn broth.
- Let simmer for 2-3 minutes. Taste and adjust with more salt and pepper, to your liking.
- Use a stick blender to puree the soup until everything is blended relatively smooth. If you like it chunkier, remove half of the soup to a blender. Puree that portion and add it back to the soup that is in the pot.
- If you like a smooth soup you can either put a stick blender to the pot to puree it or pour all of it into the blender (make sure to vent the top) and puree it that way. Then pour it through a sieve to remove the larger pieces and you are left with a velvety smooth soup.
- Add the hatch chiles to a small food processor.
- Add in the yogurt.
- Process until there are no chunks of the hatch chiles remaining.
- Serve the soup with a swirl of the hatch chile cream, some of the fresh corn kernels, cilantro leaves and sprinkle of paprika.
I used white pepper so that the flakes did not show, but freshly ground black pepper is totally fine to use.
Preparation time: 15 minute(s)
Cooking time: 10 minute(s)
Diet tags: Gluten free
Number of servings (yield): 4
Culinary tradition: USA (General)