I probably haven’t ever said this to you before, because I was the one who had to be talked into getting married, but this last week I finally realized that being married rocks!
Craig: What are you doing in there?
Me: I’m cooking, what else would I be doing in the kitchen? Taking naked pictures of myself?
Craig: Well, you’ve done that before.
Me: I didn’t take those pictures myself. Duh! What do you want? I’m making a creme brulee sauce.
Craig: Creme Brulee? Oh God, that means you’re going to use that torch again? Remember what happened the last time you used that thing? <he comes running into kitchen> Gimme the paper towels.
Me: No smart ass, I’m making a creme brulee SAUCE. Really? Your grabbing the paper towels?
Craig: What’s the point of that? What am I supposed to do with that? I can’t just eat that.
Me: Well, that is what you you do with a white chocolate sauce….eat it.
Craig: White chocolate sauce? I thought you said you were making creme brulee <he’s still clinging to the roll of paper towels>?
Me: No, I’m not making creme brulee. I’m making a creme brulee sauce. And I was going to use this to top off an apple dessert, but now I’m just going to bottle this and sell it at sex toy stores as one of those edible body paint things. So now you’ll get nothing.
Craig: So now you’re telling me I can’t eat the whatever sauce? I thought you said that’s what you were supposed to do with it.
Me: Don’t you need to go make a fireproof cabinet for those paper towels or something?
Who else can you have these inane conversations with, other than your spouse? Your friends aren’t going to entertain you with bon mots like these. No, they’ll just change the topic…never to return to it again. Nope, your spouse is the only person that would continue this kind of conversation until the topic, somehow, ends up turning into “why are you constantly farting?”. Or maybe that’s just what happens in my strange world…but I doubt it.
So yes, I made a white chocolate sauce that I have decided to call creme brulee sauce. It’s really simple, but it tastes like it’s got all kinds of things in it. But it really just contains white chocolate, cream, vanilla and Frangelico. Yep, that’s it.
You can keep this white chocolate sauce in the refrigerator and use it on all kinds of things. I like it because it can turn the simplest ingredients into easy desserts. For example: top a bowl of fresh berries with some of this creme brulee sauce – dessert; a slice of store bought pound cake topped with some of this sauce – dessert; a drizzle of this over top a bowl of oatmeal – dessert (okay, maybe not dessert but a really tasty breakfast). I think you get the idea here. You can also stir this white chocolate sauce into some of your favorite desserts to give them a new flavor. Think about how good this would taste swirled into your favorite bread pudding recipe. Or, you could use this as edible body paint.White Chocolate Sauce Goes Phallic
Oh, and yes, I was serious when I told Craig I would bottle this and market it in a sex toy shop. In fact, here’s the photo for the label on the jar. What do you think?
It’s time to play “having fun with the spouse,” and I don’t mean in a sexual way. I suppose it’s cruel, okay I know it’s cruel, to play head games on someone (especially your spouse) but sometimes it just has to be done. This is one of those activities that is perfect to do when you feel like you have lost control of literally everything. In fact, you’re pretty sure there’s someone with a ratty ol’ voodoo doll poking you in the eye with a needle, just to watch you twitch and squirm. Yes, your solace will come at the expense of others (namely your spouse) but wasn’t that one of the vows in your wedding ceremony? You know the one: Do you take X to be your lawfully wedded X to love, honor and make them feel special even when their world is falling apart, they’re bloated and haven’t used a word that contains more than 4 letters in a 24 hour time frame? I do.
Here’s the “activity.” My schmoopy is O-B-S-E-S-S-E-D with WebMD. (We have a friend that is too and when they get together they convince each other that they’ve got at least 5 diseases between them that have been non-existent for the past 75 years). It’s fun to play into this illness phobia sometimes.
It starts with a “I didn’t feel so good when I got up this morning, how about you?” As he starts being a hypochondriac (as lots of people tend to do) I start getting him to list symptom after symptom. So I log onto WebMD and start punching in symptoms and asking him more direct questions like: do you have spots on your tongue (which requires him to run into the bathroom and look), is your pee either lighter or darker than normal (another run into the bathroom), are your eyes watery (now he leans in to me for a better look, which I then make him back up so as not to “contaminate” me), does anything ache when you bend over? I think you get the idea. Depending on how much enjoyment you’re getting out of your spouse following your every question will determine the length of time this continues. In the end I usually come up with some far flung diagnoses on WebMD that he then sits down to go through so as to better understand the disease and if he needs to do anything. Ultimately, he realizes he couldn’t have “that” because he hasn’t been to Mongolia or (insert far flung land here) and the day goes on.
My day has gotten a bit cheerier because it was fun finally having the upper hand and making things up.
Just a thought for the next time the two of you are stuck in the house on a rainy day and or you’re having a bad day.
Recipe: Creme Brulee Sauce
- 3/4 Cup Heavy Cream
- 4 Tablespoons Frangelico
- 2 Teaspoons Vanilla (use really good vanilla in this)
- 1 Small Pinch of Kosher Salt
- 1 1/4 Cups White Chocolate (chopped to 1/4″ pieces)
- Add cream, frangelico and vanilla to a medium size sauce pan.
- Turn the heat to medium high and stir occasionally until you start to see tiny bubbles along the edge of the cream. (Do Not Boil)
- Remove the pan from the heat and whisk in the white chocolate pieces.
- Continue whisking until the white chocolate is completely melted.
- Serve immediately or pour into a glass container. Let cool then cover and refrigerate.
- Makes approximately 1 1/2 cups of sauce.
Make sure that you use real white chocolate in this recipe and not “white baking pieces” or candy coating. You’ve got white chocolate if you look at the ingredients and they contain the words “cocoa butter.”
The vanilla that you use also makes a difference in this recipe. I use vanilla extract that I make myself by storing whole vanilla beans in rum (it’s the vanilla infused rum that I use as vanilla). But good quality vanilla extract is available from Trader Joe’s all the way to Dean and DeLuca.
Preparation time: 10 minute(s)
Cooking time: 7 minute(s)
Diet type: Vegetarian
Number of servings (yield): 1
Culinary tradition: USA (General)