I suppose you’re asking yourself why in the world you would want to make your own mustard when there’s about a thousand of them on the market and there are at least 10 that you really like. Well… 1 – making mustard is really easy, 2 – you can make up your own flavor combinations and 3 – it won’t cost you anywhere near $6 a jar like some of your favorite fancy stuff does.
I got the idea of homemade mustard after hanging out with Hank Shaw a few months ago. If you’ve never met him, or aren’t familiar with him, you should be. His enthusiasm for foraging and all things omnivorous is truly infectious. If it walks, crawls, grows etc. he’s either found a way to cook it or is working on a way to cook and eat it.Homemade Fig and Port Grainy Mustard
I found his recipe for homemade mustard and new I had to make my own. Since it’s turning to fall, I find myself making heavier dishes and love to make up a grainy mustard sauce to serve alongside many of these dishes. My go to mustard is one I picked up in Paris, and always buy more jars of it when I go back (which is not nearly often enough to keep me in stock). It’s available here in the states but it’s pretty pricey. (If you’re interested it’s called Moutarde Du Lion – Extra Strong Mustard, the one with the yellow top)
Plus I’m a mustard girl. If I never had ketchup again, I don’t really think I’d care. Craig wouldn’t survive that, but hey…it’s survival of the fittest around here. I’d miss him.
I couldn’t just make any plain ol’ grainy mustard. Nope, it’s fig season…and I love fresh figs (as if you couldn’t tell). Remember these fresh fig recipes: fig dessert, fig jam, and one of my all time favorites: fig pop tarts. So yes, there’s fig in this mustard. But the pièce de rèsistance was adding some Port wine. Unbeknownst to Craig, he was going to sacrifice some of his Sandeman 20 year port in my making mustard at home project. Like he can’t get another bottle. But hey, look at me…I made a Port wine recipe that isn’t consumed out of a glass. See, I can use spirits in things beyond cocktails (I’m multi-talented that way).
By the way….homemade mustard should not be eaten for at least a day after you make it. (Thank you Hank for mentioning that.) It’s got a really nasty bitter bite that mellows out with a little time. It all has to do with the chemical reaction that takes place between the seeds and the cool liquid. Being a science/tech geek I’m all over that stuff, but since most people aren’t I won’t bother you with it (but if you like that stuff, definitely check out the link above and check out Hank’s original post and his homemade mustard recipe).
I’m feeling all public servicey today, for some unknown reason. So when one of my friends called me up and left me a sniffly voicemail today, I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone. She was carrying on and on about how no one wanted to date her and how she must be the scourge of the Earth because even the janitor, who usually hits on her, completely ignored her the other day. Thank God there’s a time limit on my phone and she was cut off mid whine about her hair (sometimes she drifts when she talks). So rather than call her back (she reads this blog) I’ll answer her question right here. And this is where it becomes a public service…I’m sure some of you feel this same way. Well, I’m here to help.
Reasons why he doesn’t want to date you.
- You constantly bring up things that your ex did that annoyed the crap out of you. Newsflash – no one cares except for your girlfriends when we take you out to get you drunk to forget about the jerk.
- On the first date you dump all of your baggage on the table. Stuff like how your parents divorced when you were 2, you were bulimic all through high school because it was the only thing you could control, you keyed your ex’s car when he cheated on you, you slept with your boss to get a promotion and instead he fired you. Stuff like that. We’ve all got baggage, but keep it in the overhead bin until it’s time to de-plane. Like after you’re married. Then there’s nothing he can do about it.
- If you Google your date to find out more about them, don’t bring it up. We all do it, but it’s creepy when the reality is brought to light. Besides, it makes you look like a stalker. Cue the pot of boiling water and the rabbit.
- You’re a walking Eeyore. If “whoa is me” is your catchphrase…don’t share that. We all have bad days, but we don’t want to be reminded of yours or the world’s problems at every turn. Take a Xanax and fake it like the rest of us for a while.
- Your cell phone is more important than your companion. If you can’t put your phone away for a couple of hours, you must run a country and you shouldn’t be out on a date anyway…you’ve got more important things to be do.
Now get out there and quit being a big whiny pain in the ass. I say that with all of the love in my itty bitty heart.
Recipe: Fig and Port Grainy Mustard
- 1 1/2 Tablespoons Brown Mustard Seeds
- 1 1/2 Tablespoons Yellow Mustard Seeds
- 1/2 Teaspoon Kosher Salt
- 1/4 Cup Mustard Powder (not Coleman’s)
- 1 1/2 Tablespoons Cider Vinegar
- 1/4 Cup Tawny Port
- 3 Tablespoons Chilled Fig Simple Syrup (recipe below)
- Grind the mustard seeds in a spice or coffee grinder for a few seconds, or in a mortar and pestle. You should leave them pretty chunky (near whole) because you want this to be a grainy mustard…but you could grind them to whatever consistency you like.
- Pour the ground mustard seeds into a bowl and add the salt and mustard powder.
- Add in the vinegar, port and simple syrup and stir well.
- Once everything is thoroughly mixed, pour everything into a glass jar (with a lid) and refrigerate.
- Wait at least 12 hours before using.
- Mustard made this way will last several months if refrigerated in a sealed jar.
This recipe makes 1/2 – 3/4 cups of mustard.
To make the fig simple syrup:
4 Fresh Figs
1/2 Cup Granulated Sugar
1/2 Cup Water
Add figs, sugar and water to a small saucepan. Over medium high heat, stir until sugar dissolves.
Continue cooking a few minutes longer until figs become very soft. Mash the figs into the syrup and keep stirring.
Once the figs are well mashed and fully incorporated into the mixture, remove from heat.
Pour contents of saucepan through a strainer and remove the large bits of fig.
The syrup that’s left is the fig simple syrup. You can use the fig bits in oatmeal, ice cream or just eat them.
You will have syrup left over after making the mustard.
Preparation time: 30 minute(s)
Diet type: Vegan
Diet tags: Gluten free
Number of servings (yield): 1
Culinary tradition: USA (General)
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