I learned a bit of disturbing news the other day from a friend of mine, tell me if you’ve heard this too. She said that when you roast fruit, a unicorn’s horn falls off. What the? I’ve roasted fruit before and never heard of this.
Of course, being the cantankerous albeit adventurous type (as well as someone who regularly tempts fate) I had to see for myself if this was fact or fiction.
Hey, it’s not that I don’t like unicorns or anything, they are the stuff of many happy childhood dreams, but c’mon…don’t ya just want to know if it’s true? Plus, I never really understood the significance of having a horned, or horny, horse. Oh, I’ve seen horny horses. My God those things are huge. That whole “hung like a horse” statement is something I actually fear (having spent considerable time around horses). People with that attribute should have to publicly license themselves. Cuz that right there is definitely a WMD. But I digress.
So I sat down and tried to come up with a fruit that was 1-worthy of roasting (yet wasn’t completely obvious for this time of year) and 2-a fruit that was worthy of bearing the burden of permanently maiming the beloved unicorn. I mean, you can’t just throw something heavy like that on a kiwi fruit. The enormity of the act would crush a delicate kiwi into a slimy puddle of neon green goo.
I settled on roasted grapes. I know it may sound a bit odd, but really what are roasted grapes but the halfway point between regular grapes and raisins. Genius (if I do say so myself). There have been so many different kinds of grapes showing up at my farmer’s market lately I can’t believe it. When you go to the grocery store you’re lucky if they have 3 kinds this time of year. Last week I counted 8 different varieties and each one tasted better than the last one I tried.
I then began to play around with recipe trying to decide if it was going to be an easy appetizer recipe or a light dessert recipe. Since I couldn’t make up my mind (I even implored the wisdom of the unicorns for this decision – although I’m pretty sure they didn’t answer me because I was about to de-horn one of their brethren) I decided on two variations of the recipe to get two dishes out of one pan of roasted grapes. So what you have here is an easy appetizer recipe AND recipe you can add to your easy desserts file.
So I proceeded with the roasting of the grapes and didn’t hear or feel anything out of the ordinary. Of course, sliding the pan out of the oven I burned myself. I’m not sure if I should blame that on the curse of the unicorn or my lack of paying attention. I dished out the two different versions of the roasted grapes and handed them to my official taster (Craig). Also, I was afraid to be the first one to try it thinking there might be a unicorn curse that would cause me to choke (survival of the fittest, right?). Nothing out of the ordinary occurred. He ate, he liked, hi scraped the bowl and plate clean. PHEW! So the curse was a lie.
A couple of hours later, while I was sitting at my computer I received an e-mail with no sender name attached. Believing in the security system on my computer I opened the e-mail anyway. This is what I saw:
Speaking of myths….
After women get married, they start wearing granny panties and stop wearing sexy underwear. Who starts these rumors?
For the uninitiated…granny panties are the big underwear that come all the way up past your navel and are usually quite saggy in the butt area. These aren’t briefs or bikini’s.
Do I have a couple of pairs of panties that aren’t in the least bit sexy? Yes I do. But so do lots of single women too. We have two names for these panties. 1-Wash day underwear (which means they are the last resort for underwear because all of our other bits are in the wash), these are pretty much 1/4 of a step away from just going commando. 2-Period panties. These aren’t in as bad of shape as underwear panties are, but they look about as sexy as we feel at that time. Who wants to ruin a cute pair of panties that cost as much as a bottle wine (it’s called priorities)?
But at the end of the day does it really matter what our underwear looks like anyway? Is that solely how you base the quality, or desirability for a relationship with us?
What is your favorite kind of underwear?
Recipe: Roasted Grapes
For the Roasted Grapes
- 1 Pound Seedless Grapes (I used black grapes)
- 2 Tablespoons Olive Oil
- Pinch of Kosher Salt
- 3-5 Sprigs Fresh Thyme
- Handful of Hazelnuts (crushed)
- 3/4 Cup Ricotta Cheese
- 3/4 Tablespoon Orange Flower Water
- 1 Teaspoon Orange Blossom Honey
- 1 1/2 Teaspoons Vanilla
- Toasted Bread Rounds or Crackers
- Plain Yogurt
For the Roasted Grapes
- Preheat oven to 450 degrees Farenheit.
- Break the grapes into small clusters or remove grapes from the stems completely.
- Place them on a rimmed baking sheet along with the hazelnuts.
- Randomly place the thyme sprigs on top of the grapes.
- Drizzle olive oil on the grapes and mix well to make sure they are well coated.
- Roast in the oven for 15 – 25 minutes. The timing depends on how roasted you want them to be. They will change color a bit as well as split open and wrinkle.
- Remove the thyme sprigs.
- In a medium size bowl combine cheese, orange flower water, honey and vanilla.
- Stir to thoroughly combine.
- Spread some of the cheese mixture onto the bread or crackers and top with a few grapes.
- Spoon plain yogurt into a bowl.
- Arrange clusters of grapes along side the yogurt.
- Sprinkle some of the roasted hazelnuts over the top and drizzle with a bit of the roasting juices.
Preparation time: 15 minute(s)
Cooking time: 25 minute(s)
Diet type: Vegetarian
Diet tags: Gluten free
Number of servings (yield): 6
Culinary tradition: USA (General)