Spicy Clams with Bacon and Noodles

I was having lunch with a girlfriend of mine the other day when the topic of discussion turned to “what the hell is up with guys and their GD text messaging?”  To give you a bit of the backstory…my girlfriend is in her mid 30′s and she was talking about the guys that she’s dating that are in their mid 30′s to early 40′s that are constantly with the text messages and no phone calls.

She and I both are fully immersed in the digital world – 90% of our work is done on-line (such is the nature of the internet), but when working with other people, we pick up the phone or set up a face to face meeting from time to time.  Why do guys, especially those that fall into the 30 + age range insist on texting their questions or the odd witicism?   There is no excuse for texting vs calling since men of that age group don’t have the excuse of having “grown up” with the technology.  No, the 20 somethings can use that excuse…because it’s reality.  The 30 somethings will lie and hide behind their Gen X status, but the 40 somethings grew up with rotary dial corded telephones.  Hell, they didn’t even see remote control televisions in their homes until they were almost graduated from high school.   The only reason these guys are texting is because it makes them feel young and ‘cool.’   Got a news flash for ya….you may think you look ‘cool’ to those standing near you while you’re texting us, but we think you’re a douche.  And by the way…we know this to be fact because when we send you a SMS (because we actually need an answer to a quick question) we then have to call you to get the answer because you never reply.

Let me break it down for you.  The occasional text message is fine, we like the occasional romantic text message or “just thinking of you,”  “I’ll be late for dinner tonight” or “I’ve made dinner reservations for us tonight.”  But when you’re sending us an SMS that requires 3 screens to get the entire message sent…that’s just BS.  If it takes 3 screens to contain your message you have completely ignored what an SMS is – Short. Message. Service.  Just pick up the frigging phone!

In our minds you just don’t care that much about us if the majority of your of communication with us is via text messaging (to draw you a picture, your communication with us pie chart should not look like this) and we’re not talking about sexting…that’s a topic for another day.  If our name was bacon, you’d be calling out our name and talking to us on your cellphone while standing in the midst of your buddies just to show them how much you love your dear bacon and would boast that your little bacon loves you so much she’s sending you texts…that text message you’d answer.

Sure that bacon bit (ha, get it?…never mind) was kind of a stretch, but you know it’s true.  Plus, this recipe is a bit unusual in that you’ve got bacon with clams.  The salty bacon really helps give the clams a bit of different kick.  Then throw in the szechuan pepper and you’ve got a kicky little dinner for 2…or for 1 and leftovers for you tomorrow.

Relationship Advice

The art of the conversation has really fallen by the wayside in the past few years.  Yes, we have all these wonderful technologies that should be taken advantage of, to make our lives easier, but not to the detriment of real communication.  Real communication equals face to face (or at a minimum verbal) communication.  Stop taking shortcuts and start doing some things long form.  Once you start carrying on real communication you will find that things in your relationship will change – for the better.   And while you’re at it…you should drop your Aunt Kathy a nice hand written letter.  Trust me, she’ll appreciate it.

Serves 2

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 Pounds Manilla Clams (could also use mussels)
• 4 Slices Bacon (chopped)
• 3 Cloves Garlic (finely chopped)
• 1 Cup White Wine (Chardonnay)
• 3/4 Cup Clam Juice
• 1 Tablespoon Fish Sauce
• 2 Tablespoons Lemon Juice
• 2 Tablespoons Parsley (chopped)
• 1/8 Teaspoon Freshly Ground Pepper
• 1/8 Teaspoon Freshly Ground Szechuan Pepper
• Handful of Dry Noodles (soba, pasta, rice vermicelli)

Directions

Cook dry noodles according to package instructions, rinse and set aside.

In a large saucepan, cook bacon over medium high heat.  Cook until bacon is crisp.  Remove bacon to a paper towel lined plate and drain off all but 1 tablespoon bacon fat.  (Save that bacon fat for later use.)

Add garlic to bacon fat.  Cook until garlic begins to brown.

Add wine, clam juice, fish sauce, lemon juice, black pepper and clams to saucepan.  Cover the pan and let steam for 2 minutes.  Lift lid and check to see that clams are opening.  If they are open wide, they are done and you can remove the pan from the heat.  If they are not open, cover and let cook for an additional 30 seconds.  Continue doing this until the clams are open.  You may have a few of the clams that don’t open.  These clams are dead and should be thrown out.  DO NOT open their shells and eat them.  Throw them away!

Divide the cooked noodles between 2 bowls.  Divide the clams between the 2 dishes.  Pour the juice into each of the bowls and top with parsley, bacon and szechuan pepper.

You can also serve this with some crusty bread to soak up the juices.

Tags: 30 Minute Meals, Bacon, dinner reservations, Easy Cooking, Easy Recipe, Easy Recipes, Fast Dinner Recipe, One Dish Wonders, Relationship Advice, Seafood Recipes, text messages

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Savory Bacon Chutney

I know that I have been really bad about posting lately, and I am sorry.  I could go into who, what, why, but it really doesn’t matter…does it?…especially since this post is all about bacon.  (Plus, I have quite a backlog of recipes just waiting to go up.)

My bacon journey started last month when Not Quite Nigella posted her recipe for bacon jam.  An all-out obsession kicked in and I followed the trail of bacon jam through many a twist and turn.  Most of the recipes I found were for a “sweet” version, which I understand but I wanted something a little more savory that I could literally swirl into anything.  (My thought is that you can always add sweet to a dish, but it is very difficult to remove sweet from a dish.)

I  also wasn’t too jazzed about cooking something on the stove top for 2 hours and having to tend to it.  (This is probably why risotto isn’t quite right when I make it.)  I’ve got too many other things to do than making sure my house doesn’t burn down because I let a pan of something go dry on the stove.  So I turned to my old friend – the braise.

Craig could tell I had an obsession of some sort banging around in my head.  While he wanted to help, and usually can, I opted to leave him out of this one.  He believes that doing anything beyond cooking bacon in a pan is tantamount to treason.  Of course, once he eats said traitorous bacon creation, he usually smiles from ear to ear and cleans his plate.

Whipping up a cup of this before Thanksgiving should make all those leftovers taste that much better.  Think about it…smear it on your turkey sandwich, mix it into leftover veggies, swirl it into leftover mashed potatoes, and it would probably even taste really good added to the leftover cranberry sauce.  What doesn’t bacon taste good with?

Relationship Advice

No matter how much he wants to help, sometimes you need to just work things through yourself.  Guys like to fix things, and most of the time they don’t like to fix things that, to them, are not broken.  To Craig, there is nothing broken about fried strips of bacon.  For the record, I don’t think that concept is broken either, but it’s good to think outside the box sometimes.  In this instance, I knew that if I told him what I was up to, he would have given me a bunch of grief before being willing to try this dish.

Makes 1 Cup

Ingredients

• 1 Pound Smoked Bacon (thick cut or un-sliced slab)
• 1 Medium Brown Onion (sliced thin)

Rub

• 1/4 Cup Brown Sugar
• 1 Teaspoon Kosher Salt
• 1/2 Teaspoon Ginger
• 1/4 Teaspoon Ground Mustard
• 1/4 Teaspoon Ground Cloves
• 1/4 Teaspoon Chipotle Powder
• 1/4 Teaspoon Dried Thyme
• 1/4 Teaspoon Dried Rosemary (crushed)
• 1/4 Teaspoon Black Pepper (ground)
• 1/4 Teaspoon Onion Powder
• 1/4 Teaspoon Garlic Powder

Braising Liquid

• 1/2 Cup Dry White Wine
• 1 Tablespoon Cider Vinegar
• 1 Tablespoon Worcestershire Sauce
• 1 Tablespoon Molasses

Directions

In a bowl, combine all of the dry ingredients and mix well.  Place the slab of bacon into a dutch oven and sprinkle both sides of bacon with dry rub.  Pat the dry rub into the sides of the bacon (use all of the rub).  Cover the dutch oven and refrigerate for a minimum of 2 hours.

Preheat oven to 250 degrees Farenheit.

In a small bowl, combine the ingredients for the braising liquid and mix well.  Microwave on high for 1 minute.

Remove the bacon from the refrigerator and sprinkle with onions.  Pour the braising liquid into the dutch oven.  Do not pour on top of bacon.

Cover the dutch oven and braise in oven for 2 1/2 hours.

Remove pan from the oven and place on burner.  Remove lid and, over medium high heat,  reduce liquid in pot until it is thick and glaze like.

Pour contents of pan into food processor.  Pulse bacon mixture until it is a thick, but chunky consistency.

Pour into serving dish or lidded jar.  If not using immediately, refrigerate.  (Let the bacon chutney cool to room temperature before putting the lid on it and putting it into the refrigerator.)

Tags: Bacon, Bacon Jam, Bacon Recipes, Easy Recipes

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